bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
