Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
