Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
