Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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