I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
