I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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