All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
