broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just found puke in my bra..
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
