Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
