i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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