Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I deserve this hangover.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
