Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
