..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
