I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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