just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
