My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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