Cold hands, warm shart.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
