Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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