we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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