he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
