he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
