Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
