So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize