she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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