if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
