I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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