Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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