even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
