So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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