I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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