Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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