Well apparently he's into motor boating.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Randomize
