What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
