i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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