wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
