Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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