I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
