Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
