Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
we should paint friendship bongs
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
