Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
