her vagine was all disorganized.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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