i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
