She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I checked into jail on foursquare
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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