I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i already hear my dad disowning me
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
