someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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