It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Randomize
