you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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