Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
