Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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