You made me cry and you don't even care
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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