If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
