Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
