I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
