u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
