So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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