I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
