yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
she told me i tasted like america
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
