I've blown a few things in my day
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
we should paint friendship bongs
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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