oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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