Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
