a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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