RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
