Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
