Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
3 2 1 whiskey
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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