One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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