I've blown a few things in my day
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
