And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
