There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just want to make out with him forever
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
