Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
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